Olympics: Synchronized Yawning

 Did you get to see much of the Olympics? Maybe I’m just getting to be an old grouch, but the winter Olympics just don’t seem to be as exciting as I remember in years past. Okay, for you youngsters who can’t remember anything before the ‘80s, I’m talking about games in the ‘50s and ‘60s. Even clips of games before then seemed more … special.

In my mind, sports should be tests of strength and endurance – things the Greeks thought useful competitions—who could throw a spear furthest or run fastest for the longest distance, who could take another man down, who could shoot straightest for the farthest distance. Sure, these were more militaristic than Basketball, but they proved the physical and mental value of the contestants in activities that really counted in those days.

I’m sorry, but ice dancing just doesn’t fit my idea of a sport. Disney on Ice just doesn’t generate the same excitement as hockey. Snowboarding – skateboarding on snow – may be fun for the snowboarder, but of what real-life use are all the twisting and turning and other antics?

And what happened to the Biathlon? Was it broadcast? Skiing and shooting, now that is a useful event.

Maybe Bode Miller could out ski Franz Klamer, but when Klamer was on the slopes, the crowd went wild. Today we hear more about the politics and behind the scenes hijinks of athletes than the actual competition.

No matter what the Olympic Committee President says, politics are a major issue in the competition. If they were serious about being non-political, they would not announce the nationality of contestants. This time we even have sexual orientation foisted on us as an issue. When did this become a sport? Although things could get interesting in Sochi, where restrooms have twin commodes and unisex restrooms.

There are fifteen categories for the winter  “sports” and forty-one summer categories. But how can synchronized swimming, artistic gymnastics, and rhythmic gymnastics be even remotely considered a sport? Maybe they could add Swan Lake and the Nutcracker as Olympic events.

Many of the Olympic “sporting events” exclude countries because the seasons (winter and summer) aren’t universally the same. Jamaica made news when they sent a bobsled team one year. But where are the Jamaican snowboarders skiers. And don’t look for a Siberian synchronized swim team. Did you see the Saudi ice dancers? Neither did I.

There are many sports, popular in a number of countries, which the Olympic committee has skipped. How about including calf roping, bull riding, or American Football?

Maybe the running of the bulls could liven up the Olympics. Gold medals could go to the person watching the last bull go by without being gored or trampled. How about bull fighting? Gold could go either to a bull or a fighter which ever leaves the arena alive and not critically injured. They could save big on silver and bronze medals.

Formula racing is bound to be more exciting than ice dancing or curling. To add real excitement, though, they could even race the cars on an ice rink.

Imagine the excitement an event combining javelin throwing and, say, 1000-yard sprint would generate. Combining shot-put throwing with shot-put catching would sure open eyes.

Unfortunately, any new events will be more on the order of synchronized basket weaving, and combined paint drying and political discourse.