New Years Resolutions

Okay, now that Christmas dinner leftovers are almost gone, and you have put the memory of that New Years party well behind you, it is again time for retrospection of events and promises made last January and making resolutions for the coming new year. Well, it is a tradition, even if a futile one.

So, I dug out the old resolution list and it occurred to me that it actually resembles more of a bucket list than a list of resolutions. There are the usual resolutions: lose weight, exercise, drink less, eat healthy, swear less, spend less, save more; you know, the good intentions that seldom last the week let alone the year.

Then you have the ones driven by guilt: visit the relatives, visit that old friend you haven’t seen since high-school, call your mother (not easy for me, since mine has been dead for quite a while; maybe I should scratch that off the list), call your out of state brother or sister (and say what? After “how are you” there is always an awkward silence).

Next, you have those nebulous, well-intended goals that one can never quite tell have been kept or not: be a better person (as opposed to what?), be less pessimistic (in this political climate? Good luck with that, this is an election year), be kinder and more considerate of others (is this even possible when you drive California freeways?).

Finally, you have the impossible dreams: finish your novel, write a novel, visit a foreign country (no, not Los Angeles), see Machu Picchu, go to Peterson Automotive museum (right, I have never been there), pay off your Christmas credit card charges before they charge interest, don’t touch your savings this year.

Like I said, it amounts to more of a bucket list than a list of resolutions. I seem to just repeat the same list every year… with no progress. Maybe someday, I might actually do one of these, but usually by mid-January, they aren’t even a memory.

This year, I think I will try a more realistic approach, maybe something like:

Take long naps; eat what tastes good; drink in moderation… most of the time; avoid the freeways and idiot drivers (I thought about taping down my middle fingers, but people would think I was a foreigner); wait until two days before an election, then vote for the loudest person; just figure everything is going to that dark place in a hand basket (this one never seems to be far off the mark anyway); swear silently… unless really ticked off; pray I wake up in the morning… but not too early; put off last year’s list to next year.

Okay, I think I can live with this list. I wish every one of you a very happy and prosperous new year.